Bob's 75th Chronicle

Second half of the Bob Knych Chronicle

12. Dec. 28, 63, Drive Through Fog Produces Baby Girl

An American sliced through soupy fog with his head hanging out his VW window late last night. Frankfurt American Hospital delivered Genevieve Marie Knych 15 minutes after arrival. Mother and daughter are doing fine. The father survived.



13. Nov. 6, 1972, Freezing Children Saved

A Mercedes driver reported an American licensed car cut him off as he pulled out of a gas station today. The Am. driver jumped out and pointed toward his wife and 3 shivering children, indicating he could not activate the heater on the Mercedes he’d purchased only days earlier. The oldest son understood German better than his father, so the German explained the controls to the son. The entire family thanked the German driver before they pulled out so he could proceed.

14. WAHS, 1986, American Principal Puzzled by Police Report.

German authorities reported two WAHS faculty involved in a fender bender at Wildflecken Tuesday. The report stated that Bob Knych and his friend, Ralph, skidded into a German car at an intersection just below a ski slope.

The principal responded that they must be mistaken because both named faculty were home sick that entire day. An investigation is pending.

15. August, 1988, Reported by Bob Hovish
Bob Knych was seen on the Mexican border near Yuma recently hiding along the Colorado River near County 21st. Bob observed a large group of illegal's preparing to cross the border just across the river from his position. Armed only with his wits and a dozen cuss words of Spanish, he remained silent, eyes fixed on his targets. One by one, the group entered the river, forming a long snaking line of bodies. Bob, using the moonlight, counted the silhouettes. 24,25,26, then he stopped counting as the leader got out of the water directly in front of him.

Bob was patient and utilizing his stealth skills taught to him by his cousin, remained motionless. Bob watched nervously as a man separated from the group to change into dry clothes, started walking toward him. Suddenly the man walked right up to Bob and looked right at him! Before the stranger could react, Bob jumped up and said, “Good evening, I'm Bob Knych from Tucson, I'm with the government and I'm here to help you." Not believing a word of it, or maybe they had heard of Bob Knych, they all ran back to the river and swam as fast as they could to their homeland. Now the people of Mexico have 2 obstacles in their path when they think of crossing the border, La Migra and Roberto Keyneech..


16. AMERICAN BUSINESS
Deep in the bowels of a Wurzburg residence Santa Knych is supervising his loyal elf, John, as he slaves over an assembly line of little owls. "They'll go over big in Poland" exults Santa.
'But how will they compete with your sleigh full of used washing machines bound for Poland?" asked Johnny Elf, mopping his brow. "Bigger, bigger," responded Santa Kynch.
"But our market in Poland is poor--how will the people there afford to buy? quarried the weary Johnny.
"No problem," responded Santa. I have plans to immigrate a team of Polish men to contract out for house-painting jobs in Wurzburg. Polish painters are BIG. Think BLACK MADONNA." responded Claus.
"I'm not sure," interrupted a skeptical Mrs. Santa. "Silence," shouted the Grand Claus. "I have decided. Johnny Elf, continue the owl assembly line." Reporter--Fred Pasel

17. New Principal Broken in by The Boyz

Bob K arrived in Wurzburg and was invited by Bob Knych to play "nickel, dime, quarter poker" with the boyz. One of them, Al, had just air shipped his sports car from the states and showed up dressed in black, carrying professional type briefcases with (marked?) cards, chips, etc. The "boyz" all proceeded to make side bets that exceeded the daily pay of those present. Bob reported he was lucky to leave with his shorts on.

He did discuss 'maybe' taking a QEII cruise in December from Southampton to NYC. He was amazed three days later when "Bob's friend, Al" showed up in the office and wanted a check to cover three passengers because all was "arranged" by his ex-wife and he just needed to pay a lot of money to a stranger.

Bob Knych held his hand and reassured him that it was a good deal and all was going to be ok "...just give Al the money." It ended up being a great trip thanx to Bob and Al.


18. POLISH WORKERS ENTERTAIN

Bob Knych had his Polish cousin painting houses with his girlfriend the week before their wedding. Such close contact earned the friend who employed them and his wife an invitation to visit Walter in the B&B they were 'babysitting" near Krakow.

The family was well off enough to rent a fine home because they used the money earned painting and cleaning to import used cars they could repair to Poland after the Wall came down. All Americans who made that trip had a fine time. By-line Bob K

19.
Wedding Bells:

Saturday, June 28, 1997
John Francis Knych of Wurzburg, Germany, wed Heather Kristin DiMaio of Ramona, CA at the Lodge at Torrey Pines Golf Course in LaJolla, CA.

October 28, 2006
Genevieve Marie Knych of Wurzburg, Germany, wed Timothy Rohan of Coronado, CA at the Chapel of USD where the bride graduated.


20. SALMON FROM ALASKA

Jen, daughter of Bob and Carol Knych, retuned from a trip to Alaska, with large quantities of frozen Salmon and the Knych’s prepared a Salmon feast. Bob invited Elmer and Louise to their celebration with many other guests. Later Bob rescued Elmer and Louise when a German Taxi failed to pick them up at the Leighton Barracks Guest House as they were PCS ing to the U.S.

Bob had warned them the night before that German Taxis were undependable and they could call him for a ride. So at 0530 hours Elmer called Bob. Bob responded and got them to the Bahnhof a few minutes before the Zug pulled into Wurzburg. They were hurrying up the stairs to the tracks as the train quietly entered the Bahnhof. They made their scheduled flight to the U.S. thanks to Bob.


21. Man Caught Jumping out of School Window

A man was reported jumping from the first floor window at WAHS. Investigators were concerned for student safety and suspicious of a robbery attempt or simply a person exposing himself inappropriately but faculty members indicated that this was a common occurrence by counselor, Bob Knych, who was taking the quickest route possible to check on the progress of his car repair in the school auto shop. Faculty reported said car was repeatedly in dire need of repair.
Reporter-Kermit C



22. Mystery Odor Under Investigation
A mysterious odor emanating from the WAHS counseling office was investigated by the haz-mat team yesterday. It was found that Mr. Bob Knych, counselor, was simply storing Wolfies (sandwiches sold daily at the school by the counseling office). Mr. Knych had hoped to sell the Wolfies, at a later date, to his German neighbors in hopes of adding to his retirement account. It took several hours of careful searching to find said Wolfies because Mr. Knych's desk was so inundated with odds and ends. When questioned, Knych claimed the golf balls, magazines, car parts, toys, etc. were all valued counseling materials Kermit C


23. KNYCH CREATES ONE OF A KIND VEHICLE BEHIND SCHOOL

Guidance counselor, Bob Knych, bought cans of spray paint to decorate his elderly station wagon behind the WAHS last week. Though admittedly a truly professional job, M P’s appeared to check out this absolutely one of a kind vehicle. Bob was nowhere to be found. Finally, someone unknown suggested they check the food court and ask for Kleeman, commenting that both named professionals needed leashes. Bob was urged to complete his task and remove the vehicle but no charges were logged. Once more nerve and humor triumphed at WAHS. Reporter, David Flom

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23. German Friend is Conned by American Children

Heidi S befriended Americans and many came to regard her as a trusted friend. When the Knych parents went away overnight this weekend, Mrs. Knych asked Heidi to stay with their five children. Mrs. Knych got food in the house and left “just in case” money she intended to give Heidi when she returned, but when she looked the money was gone.

Upon investigation it was discovered the children had talked Heidi into buying special cuts of veal, pork and beef at the German butchers so they could have the very best of the treats they knew she made so well.
Mrs Knych sent Ike in to tell his dad what happened to the money. Ike told him and Bob said, “Did you save a bite for your mother and me?” No, they hadn’t, but the next time they sure would, he was told.


26. Woman Distracted by Visiting Friend

Pat M, an American from Wurzburg, was awaiting surgery on her knee here in Bad Mergantheim. Bob and Carol Knych drove down to reassure her. Both Manwarings and Knychs rode in Bob's car to relax Pat.

Bob's drive to a local restaurant scared the hell out Pat, but the ride back was worse. Bob wove in and out of streets and shot through intersections, finally depositing Pat back at the hospital with a totally refreshed mind. She was extremely happy to get back to the hospital so she could take a Tylenol after the ride from hell!!!! The operation went without incident this morning. By-line, Bob M



27. TAXI WITH GREEN AM. LICENSE PLATES BEHIND SCHOOL

Yesterday Bob Knych’s Mercedes was parked behind the counseling offices at WAHS with a Taxi sign protruding from its roof. Upon inspection German police discovered the sign was a manila folder taped to the roof. Bridget Backhouse reported a taxi with green American license plates parked behind the school.

A collogue, Bob Manwaring, admitted to the deed as one in a series of pranks. Manwaring was given a warning by police and a hand shake from Knych. This reporter suspects this won’t be the last we’ll hear from this pair.

28. Teachers Prank Saves Student from Father’s Wrath

Manwaring’s classroom, 245B, overlooked the counseling offices at the front of WAHS. Yesterday, Manwaring aimed the laser he used in physics into Knych’s office. A red dot moved around his desk while Knych counseled the parents of a student reporting he’d been thrown into the dumpster behind school by a red haired student.

The student said he hadn’t been able to extricate himself till 11:00 PM. Somehow, the father equated the red dot with the red haired student and he bounded toward that beam. When the group reached Manwarings room he greeted them with the laser red dot, at which point the son confessed he’d been sitting in the dug out with a girl and was afraid to arrive home so late, until he dreamt up the dumpster story. The father released Manwaring and Knych persuaded him to let his son live. No permanent damage was done to man or boy. BM


29 APT. WITH VIEW OF CASTLE A HOAX

Collogues invited to the new downtown luxury apt of Bob Knych were sorely disappointed last night when a fireplace in the apartment couldn’t be vented. Knych placed red candles normally used on gravesites and lined them up in the fireplace so it looked like he had a fire. Knych insisted it was as good as real.

The view of the castle that guests had been promised, had to be viewed from his balcony by holding out a broomstick with a mirror taped to it.

Also, Knych had prepared a delicious dinner, but he served himself first and then told everyone else to help themselves!! And his wife is such a refined woman, poor thing. BM


30. Japanese Visitor Not Preferred to Pole

Zakopane, Poland, 1975—A Japaneese, Jim, and his Polish-American friend, Bob, stopped in a Polish store where Jim asked Bob to inquire about a carved deer and owl he liked. Jim needed to buy zloty to complete the deal, so they went to a bank, then returned to pick up the carvings.

Bob couldn’t find a place to park so Jim went into the store alone. The owner said he was sorry but the carvings were promised to someone else. Bob came in and the man's face lit up. "Here are your woodcarvings!" he said to Bob.

Jim got his carvings. Reporter—Marg A


31. JAPANESE TOURIST SAVED BY BUSLOAD OF POLES
When headed back to Germany from Poland, Bob Knych led his friend, Jim, through mountains with 4 ft high snow mounds lining two lane roads. A bus full of workers headed home for New Years threw slush under the Mercedes, but it stuck to the road.
Jim’s low riding Mark IV took a flying leap and wound up with its wheels spinning on top of the snow mound. Knych watched in his mirror as the slush flinging bus stopped.
Polish workmen streamed off and approached the car. Jim rolled down his window and the men roared with laughter. Seeing a Japanese man in a sports car was too good to be true, they weren’t even drunk yet.
They surrounded the car, gave it a heave-ho and set it back on the road. Jim fumbled for a tip, but they were so pleased with the whole adventure they refused payment. Marg A

32. Tourists Sleep in Ski Clothes in Poland

Entering Zakopane, Poland, late at night an American and Japanese family traveling together asked for a clean hotel. They were directed to a youth hostel at the foot of the ski slopes.

The mountain lodge had triple-high metal bunk beds that were bolted together. Everytime someone turned over ALL of the beds moved. It was very cold .

There was a great chorus of giggles when the fathers who’d been signing their families in, entered the room, switched on the lights and found their family members piled one on top of the other, wearing long johns, sweaters and ski clothes to bed. Marg A


33. Knych Smells Out Good Deal
Karlovy Vary ( Karlsbad) was mid-way from Poland to Germany. They had plush hotels and not so plush. Tour director Knych inquired about an inexpensive hotel. Jim Ando and Knych went inside to ask about inexpensive rooms. Jim came out and said he would find another place for his family. The Knych brood stayed where they were. It seems Knych and his friend were offered female companionship to keep them warm. Incensed, Jim drove on further to the posh Moskova Hotel where the families reunited for breakfast. All Knych got was a cheap hotel and bedbugs. Everybody was scratching! MA



34. Cousin Introduced to 40 Mark Platz
Bob Knych from Utica showed cousins how local call girls conduct their business. Jerry was told to tuck her hair under her hat as they drove around observing ladies of the night strut around in satin shorts, striking their deal before driving off to shaded areas. Jerry said it was an eye-opening experience for her. Knych had his eyes opened too.

35 Young Son Must Guide Father
Pernicious Anemia crept up on Bob Knych until he could barely stay awake to drive. While visiting in Tucson, AZ, Bob sought medical help. His 14 year old son, Charlie, went with him everywhere, alert to the nodding that meant Bob was asleep at the wheel. After a series of vitamin B 12 shots Bob can drive alone, much to the relief of his son who saved him. by Charlie K.



36. Father Ski’s Daughter Around School
Teacher Alan F reported receiving a note that Jen Knych was needed in the Guidance Office. She left class, obviously worried that she was in trouble. But the note was from the counselor, her father, who had just bought small ski's he could strap onto their shoes.

Mr. F felt honor bound to report Jenny, who tried to sneak past his classroom quietly, but her father screamed and flailed his arms and everyone rushed to the window to laugh. As Mr. F is often blamed for encouraging nonsense unrelated to his teaching, he felt honor bound to report the incident and protect his good name.

37. Polish Border Guards Investigate Tapes Buried in Snow
Pre-teens questioned about incident. An American family was apprehended after driving from Germany to Poland during Christmas of 1977 with only 3 eight track tapes for the 18 hour trip.

It seems the daughter, Jen, and the son, Ike, got so tired of hearing Ray Charles, Helen Reddy and John Denver that when they stopped at the border crossing between Czech and Poland they buried the tapes in the snow.

About 20 min later Border Guards stopped the car to investigate. The siblings begged the border guards to confiscate the tapes as an act of mercy for children forced to travel with insensitive parents who play the same recordings incessantly. In the name of mercy those burly Communist guards did so. Reported by Jen K


38 Counselor’s Race Causes Fire
Upon investigation it was found that Counselor, Bob Knych drove his Ford Combi (a German edition of a van from the 70s) through the housing area of the military base, to race into the parking lot behind WAHS to dump his garbage.
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On Friday of this week, Bob pushed the Combi to the limit. Racing at breakneck speed, his children, Ike and John were thrown from their seats and Jen hit her head on the roof. Nothing deterred Robert from his reserved parking spot.

After a couple hundred yards on the dirt road, the school bus had pulled ahead. Then a rough spot appeared, but Bob drove right over it. A terrible scraping sound emitted from the bottom of the van, but John screamed, “Keep going, keep going, they're beating us!”

Bob cut right onto the pavement of the parking lot and pulled into his prized reserved parking spot directly behind the school and Frau Bauckhaus's band new Mercedes Benz. He had smoked the school bus, which upon making the final turn onto the school's property was jammed up with all the other busses and was forced to witness the Combi pull in via the unpaved route.

The victory celebration was short lived, as Jen, Ike and John grabbed bags of garbage to heft into dumpsters directly in front of the unloading bus filled with vanquished and vocal opponents.

The Knychs headed for classes that did not begin on time because only they showed up. About 8:45 a crowd of students came behind their teacher, Manwaring.

Manwaring put down the fire extinguisher in his hand and spent the next thirty minutes explaining how gasoline from a ruptured fuel line leaking onto a hot engine was a ideal opportunity to set a car ablaze.

Yes, Bob's Combi caught fire, nearly took out the Mercedes Benz next to it and was a treat to life in the school and the busses unloading students.

Knych received a reprimand and the event was fully discussed in the school paper along with the accompanying photos showing the bus, Bob, the smoke billowing above the roof line of the school and of course the charred skeleton of the Ford Combi.
Reporter, Ike K


39. Eastern Europe Entered after Bribe Given
On Dec. 23, 1978 the Knych family, Bob, Carol, Jen, Ike, and John, headed behind the Iron Curtain loaded with treats for their Polish cousins. At the snow covered boarder they wove between giant jack shaped tank traps in the road as Kalashnikov toting guards held back aggressive dogs.

The road passed through an opening in the double fence, spaced about ten meters apart, with plowed ground peppered with buried antipersonnel mines. A boarder guard told Bob he had visas for Poland, but not Czech. The guard advised turning back.

Bob spoke to him in Polish and asked him to look in his trunk where he had a box filled with half gallon bottles of bourbon. Bob said "We're all brothers under the Red Star, and I couldn't possibly drive home with all this Whiskey."

The Russian’s eyes went wide at the chance to upgrade to premium American spirits for his cold Communist Christmas celebration. Bob turned to his son, “Empty the food bag and be still. We’re in trouble. Our passports need more stamps. Wish me luck."

He got out and filled the bag. Then he walked over behind the Kalashnikov wielding guard and deposited the bag on the ground behind the outhouse sized guard shack.

Bob returned to the car and the burly Russian returned. with a stack of passports with stamps and signatures. Bob made sure he had all the passports, threw them into the glove compartment and pulled out.

The Russian flashed a smile and waved and the other guards waved too. The Knych Clan was on the road again. By Ike K


40. American Family Removes Cake from Charity Event

An American family was seen heading into Lengfeld’s park with their sons, Charlie and Andy for a Christmas pageant. The parents and their youngest sons entered the tent where drinks and home made cakes donated by mothers were being sold by the slice.

The family viewed the lovely fruit covered cakes on display. Those donated by Anna and Roswithe were especially lovely. The American mother’s hand went to her throat.

The father sent his daughter to tell his son to return their bunt cake to their car. He was overheard saying, “Tell Ike we’ll buy cake here and take the bunt cake home. Your mother is out of her league, and we don’t want her embarrassed.”

Once again quick wits saved Americans from public humiliation.


41. German Dr. Calls insurer About Coverage of Golf Ball Damage to Home

A German Doctor snuck away from his guests Friday to inquire about his home insurance coverage in case the golf lessons Robert Knych was giving neighborhood children in front of his huge glass windows caused damage. He was told he hadn’t bought golf ball insurance. He reluctantly asked Mr. Knych not to allow balls to fly in front of his new home. His neighbor, Frank, invited the boys to hang out in his basement so the party could continue.


42. WAHS 1993
Counselor Slinks Out of Town
Bob Knych, a counselor at WAHS for nearly 30 years got his retirement papers and left town quietly, without fanfare. He was overheard at the Frankfurt Airport telling his son, Charlie, “I want them all to come back to work next August and find out I’m gone and they’re stuck working. It’s the ultimate joke.”
His wife, who must return next fall to complete her 20 years, just smiled.


43 Class Secretary Gives Classmates Husband 1995 Award

Nazareth Academy’s Class of 55 held their 45th reunion in Tucson, AZ. Twelve of the original 22 graduates met at classmate Carol Knych’s home and her husband Bob proceeded to steer the ladies to lovely resorts throughout Tucson. One day they lunched outside at the Vantana Canyon Resort after riding the tram through Sabino Canyon. That night they ate and heard a cowboy band at El Conquistador Hotel’s Last Territory. They toured the cactus gardens at Tohono Chul Park and had a lovely breakfast that sent them off to a fine tour of Old Tucson.

It was a tour that couldn’t be beat, and Alice H, Nazareth class secretary, awarded Bob the original Tour Guide Award. Reported by Alice H


45. GERMAN BOYS UNABLE TO EXTRICATE AUTO FROM SAND DUNE

Daniel S. and his friend, Tobi loved America. While visiting American friends in Tucson, they ran, rode, swam and shaved their heads. They went to Indian museums and saw sunsets the color of rubies they’d never imagined in overcast Germany.
Their host, Bob Knych, drove them to the ocean in C A and near Yuma, Bob pulled his old Lincoln off the road at the foot of the sand dunes so the youths could have a good look. The car sank into the sand. The boys gave a valiant try, but after much sweaty huffing and pushing Knych called a tow truck. When police allowed Daniel to call home he said, “I never knew the world could be so beautiful.”
The police let Knych off with a warning about child endangerment as his wife needed shade and water. She seemed most affected by the incident. Reported by Daniel Sauer

46. Tucsonan Comes to Orlando to Hawk New Golf Plan

Bob Knych and his wife, Carol, visited with Sandy B and her husband, Don, while Bob presented his plan to make golf easier and more fun at a golf conference in Orlando.

Sandy and Don invited Knych when he spoke of pushing his dream at the conference because Sandy felt she owed Knych a favor. It seems that Bob and Carol baby sat Sandy’s son, David, and daughter, Jennifer, several Friday’s running in 1980 so Sandy could play tennis at the Kitzingen Tennis Club when Sandy was at her wit’s end.

The Knych’s graciously refused payment so Sandy made a Banana Cream Pie as a thank you, which would have pleased both Knych’s as Sandy is a spectacular cook. The trouble was with Sandy’s Oldsmobile. It bucked when she put on the brakes, and even though Jennifer sat in the front seat carefully holding the pie, the stop sign did them in.

The deliciously creamy pie wound up on the floor. Knych went out to make sure there wasn’t a salvageable bite, but there wasn’t, so 28 years later Knych sat at Sandy’s table in Orlando and enjoyed a meal that couldn’t be beat. The conference went well too.


47. Disclaimer
This rendition has been published in newspaper form but could not be entered into the blog thus. Each story has had names deleted or changed and it has been heavily edited and altered. Any resemblance to truth is totally coincidental. Editor, Carol Knych